The Sum of All Fears
by Collen DeWitt
Summary: How do you go on when your life has changed forever? Final chapter!!!
1. And Suddenly They Was and Were and Could...

The Sum of All Fears  
Chapter One : And Suddenly They Was, and Were, and Could Have Been  
  
***  
  
"You sure you're okay with staying home by yourself?"  
  
"Yes, mom" Val assured looking slightly annoyed. "I do know how to take care of myself."  
  
Mrs. Lanier smiled and kissed her daughter on the forehead. "Oh, you".  
  
"Bye mom." Val replied gently nudging her towards the door.  
  
"Bye, love you.' the elder spoke grabbing her briefcase and left the home.  
  
Val shook her head after her mother. "Its just the flu." she said to no one in particular and headed back to her room, eager to enjoy a day home sick from school.  
  
***  
  
"So, how should I ask her?" Tyler Connell stood next to Hank's locker desperate for an answer. "Should I just blurt it out or should I-"  
  
"You know, I always thought you two were just friends." Jamie Waite snickered coming up behind them.  
  
"Well, we are but after we kissed last year I was thinking that we were starting to be something-" Tyler started  
  
"You know what? I don't want to know." Jamie said not wanting to get in to all of that again.  
  
"Good choice, he could go on forever about Val." Hank smirked.  
  
"I like you." Jamie said imitation Tyler with his hand over his heart.  
  
"No, I don't like you." Hank replied using a girlish voice trying to imitate Val as the two pretended to hug.  
  
"We're just friends." Jamie replied pushing Hank (excuse me, Val) away.  
  
"HA HA very funny you guys." Tyler said smiling.  
  
"Seriously though man, you two should really get it over with." Hank said.  
  
"Yeah, because having someone to take to the prom is very important." Jamie joked  
  
""Are you even going?" Tyler smirked.  
  
"Nope, Caitie and I are going to let you jocks and jockettes have all the fun this time."  
  
"Damn, I was looking forward to seeing your cheerleading outfit again." Hank said laughing,.  
  
"It's only for special occasions."  
  
Tyler looked up, "Well, that's the bell."  
  
"Yeah, Math awaits." Jamie replied walking away.  
"Are you coming Tyler?" Hank said using his "Val" voice again.  
  
Tyler laughed and threw his books at him.  
  
***  
  
"Pay attention Mr. Waite." Mr. Defarge yelled.  
  
"Sorry but I don't find another story on your back problems interesting." Jamie replied as a few kids laughed.  
  
It was math class but Mr. Defarge never really taught math. Jamie had heard about his wife , kids, parents, brother, sister, anything besides math. Jamie had pretty much learned all he knew of math from the homework.   
  
"Very humorous, Waite."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Now go to the principal's office."  
  
*  
  
"How much homework do you think the ol' bat will give us today?" Tom Johansson asked Hank.  
  
"Probably another essay." Hank looked dejected. It was only 5th period and he had tons of homework to do; he didn't know how he could manage that and work at the station and actually have a life.   
  
"She's such a --"  
  
Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop  
  
Someone in the class screamed and Mrs. Paterson ordered everyone to get down.   
  
"What the hell is going on?" Tom yelled over the noise.  
  
"I don' know." Hank replied puzzled.   
  
*  
  
He lay in a pool of his own blood. Not understanding what had happened. It had been 5th period, lunch during a regular normal school day. Then the cafeteria had erupted into shots and screams, so many screams that it seemed he would never get them out of his head. He hadn't even known the shooter, hadn't seen him , but he had been hit anyway., an innocent victim attacked in a mass of other innocents, that the attacker swore he had to kill.   
  
So this was fear.  
  
*  
"I think everything's ok now, It probably wasn't anything." Jamie said as he turned to Caitie. The two .had been stuck in the halls when the shots were fired both trying to believe that nothing was wrong.  
  
"Your probably right." Caitie nodded, "Just some senior prank."  
  
"Yup." he replied as he placed an protective arm around her, he could hear foot steps from the cafeteria coming close. "Ah, lets get into a classroom."  
  
"Okay."  
  
They turned to the nearest door and pounded on it. Jamie say a teacher inside slowly shake his head. 'Damn it!" Jamie replied. He remembered that as early as last month the school had had what was dubbed a "Columbine drill" where all the students had to get away from the window and lock the door. Not letting anyone in….anyone. He know that no teacher would let them in, in case they were the shooter. The drill designed to save them actually might kill them.  
  
"Jamie?" Caitie asked.  
  
"Run!." he exclaimed, but he was too late, the assailant came close and shot the two of them down,  
Jamie felt a sharp pain go through his chest as he fell to the ground. His eyes danced around wearing a mask of disbelief and fear.   
  
***  
  
Val rolled over, 5:00 pm. She had slept the whole day and still felt like crap. She sighed and got up to make something to eat.  
  
"Apparently kids are still killing kids as there was another school shooting to day -"  
The radio blared as Val prepared a sandwich. She shook her head. Not again. When would they stop. The scary thing it was starting to get ordinary , like another evil of the world that would go away. The thought scared her.  
  
"-reportedly at 10:00 am a student of Kingsport High school walked into his school cafeteria and killed six students and then went on to kill three more and one teacher. More to come after the break…"  
  
Val dropped her cup. The glass shattered mirroring her heart. The unbelievable had just happened at her school. She walked shockingly towards her TV and turned it on. How could this have happened?  
  
"John Cooper, a senior at Kingsport High killed seven people and injured dozens more before turning the gun on himself-"  
  
Val turned it off. She didn't want to hear anymore. This couldn't have happened, it just couldn't. Things like this happened at other schools in different towns to other people. Not to her, her friends and John. She knew him. He was Brooke's friend Nick's brother. The thought sickened her. She had talked to him, let him into her house, not knowing that one day he would go to school and shoot her friends-- her friends?  
  
Caitie, Hank, Tyler, Jamie and others who made up her whole world, could any of them be gone?   
  
Then suddenly, as if magic her mother appeared and engulfed Val into a hug.  
"Oh, Val I'm so sorry."  
  
"Do you know who-- I mean…" Val stammered.  
  
"Honey," Mrs. Lanier started bushing a hair away from her face. "Caitie's gone and Jamie and Tyler are seriously hurt, I don't know about your other friends."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm so sorry." she repeated. "I know she was your best friend."  
  
Was her best friend? How could one day change everything? Someone is you're friend one moment and then all of a sudden they was, and were, and could have been. 


	2. Well, Things Sure Are Different

In a Heartbeat- The Sum of All Fears  
Chapter One-Well, Things Sure is Different  
  
***  
It's funny. Someone's apart of your life for so long that you almost begin to take her for granted.  
Kindergarten and fighting over the same boy, 1st-5th grades filled with dolls and toys. Then middle school where everything began to change. Dolls were replaced with boys. Those were the years when Caitie turned "Goth" and Val joined the cheerleading squad and wrote "Cries of Pain". Then high school started. But, high school would never end for Caitie. She was gone. Just like that all 16 years of Caitie's short life wiped out. All her fears and doubts, hopes and dreams taken away by a boy with a gun.  
  
How she had taken it all for granted. No more late night phone call to talk about nothing in particular, trips to the movies.... it was all gone. And Val could feel nothing but hate and bitterness.  
* *  
What do you say to you're best friend when his brother is a murderer? The question played over and over in Brooke's mind, she felt torn. A part of her wanted to be there for Val but she also wanted to be there for Nick too. Which is why she found her self standing outside his house when inside she wanted to run away screaming.  
  
"Hey" she said.  
  
He opened the door and stepped outside. "Hi" Nick looked terrible, as if he had been crying.  
"Can I come in?"  
  
he looked startled, "Oh, yeah, sure." His eyes darted past her.  
  
"Those newspaper reporters won't leave. I don't know what kind of story they can get by standing in front of our house."  
  
He drifted away again back to his own thoughts. "Nick?" she questioned.  
"What?" Sorry come in."  
  
She walked in the house with mixed feelings. Inside the mood was somber, the same feeling that engulfed her house. She remembered life before all this, fleeting moments.. Had it even been real? It had just been a week ago when she had been here last. Brooke had stayed over for dinner, and she had sat with them at the table, even Nick's brother had been there. How come she hadn't seen it? A hint, a spark something to let her know that the very next day Nick's brother had been planning to kill. It didn't seem right. They were just kids. This was just Kingsport, things that that never happened here. But, it had. However, she couldn't get worked up. Emotions were like her work at the station. They were filed away.  
  
"Hi Brooke. Thanks for coming. We were just about to go to the church". Nick's father, Mr. Cooper spoke with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Hi," she said back simply.  
  
They stood one by one by Nick's brother's lonely grave. No one had come; it was just his parents, Brooke and Nick. Everyone was still angry, too shocked to care.  
*  
"Val honey, you have to get up." Her mother urged. Val opened her eyes; her mother was wearing a long black dress that showed off her thin frame.   
  
"Oh, is today the funeral?" she asked simply, monotone  
  
"You know that it is."  
  
"I'm not going."  
"You'll regret it if you don't. Please get out of bed." Mrs. Lanier said pulling the covers down  
  
"Mom I can't okay?" she pulled them back up.  
  
"Val, Caitie is dead-"  
  
Val held her hand up, she didn't want to hear it, she just wanted to forget.   
  
"Fine, I can't make you go. But please tell Brooke to meet us there when she gets home."  
  
"Why, where is she?"  
  
"John Cooper's funeral."  
  
"What! How could she after what ... he did."  
  
"Nick's her friend Val, just like Caitie was yours."  
  
IS! She wanted to scream. She couldn't say good-bye, didn't want to.  
"Well, he shouldn't be." She said knowing that she sounded childish. But she didn't care, she would never for give Brooke, it was that monster's fault that all this had happened.  
  
*  
Hank sighed. Everything was different. His parents never let him out of their sight. He also couldn't get the POP! sound out of his head. At night he dreamed about it and who was he kidding, he thought about it in the daytime too. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. The fear; the terror as he had run out of the building. Watching Tom Johansson die right in front of him, from a bullet that should have been for him, it was always with him what he always though about.  
  
So he did what he did best. Put on a fake smile and tried to help the people around him. He went back to the squad weeks earlier than Alex had recommended, even tried (but failed, since he was not family) to see Jamie and Tyler. Hank kept telling himself that it has only been a week and all the fears and doubts would soon go away. He smiled to himself remembering the fun Jamie, Tyler and he had had before the shooting, joking around and making fun of Tyler and Val. He hated John Cooper in that instance for taking away his youth, his innocence, and his school. He knew that he would never feel safe again; not like he once did anyway. Everything had changed. 


	3. That Damn Circular Memory

In a Heartbeat  
The Sum of All Fears  
  
Chapter three: "That Damn Circular Memory"  
  
Even now, looking back, I remember everything. The thick consuming cord of anger wrapped around my body, consuming my every thought, my every movement. One piece of my memory I avoided with the ease of a snake, that only now, with the distance of age and perhaps wisdom, am I able to understand and truly let go…  
  
*  
" The Kingsport Massacre" was what the newspapers were calling it; one of the worst school shootings since Columbine. Val laughed to her self. And she and Caitie has always thought Kingsport would never be known for anything. The thought seemed hilarious to her. She fell in to a fit of laughter, chuckling to herself uncontrollably until she was on the floor howling like a wild animal locked in a cage. She thought of Caitie then, and begun to cry as well. Val sat on the floor laughing and crying until she couldn't differentiate between the two. It seemed like she would always be doing that, the other following the latter like the caboose of a locomotive. Crying and laughing ; and a heart turned to stone.   
  
  
  
  
Jamie sighed to himself as he slowly made his way up the stairs. He couldn't shake the flashbacks in his head. One second he'd be fine and the next, he'd be back there, at school, waiting for his life to end, and watching Caitie's gradually disappear. The doctor said it was normal, that he was just going through P.T.S.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and that it would eventually go away. It didn't seem like it would to Jamie. And why should it? Caitie was dead along with so many others and for some reason he got to live. It didn't seem fair to him. Why was James Waite's life worth more than Caitlin Roth's? According to Jamie, he deserved to be punished with reoccurring nightmares of that day just for the sole reason that he got to live and she didn't. He would live out he rest of his life with the nightmares and an exaggerated limp that would never go away. He had suffered two months in the hospital, painful surgeries, and a spinal cord that would be damaged forever, but that still didn't compare to watching he friend, the girl he loved, die right in front of him by a bullet he should of stopped.  
  
Hank looked up at the building and his knees shook. They were making them go back. Not to Kingsport High but another one close by. Back to classes and friends, and teachers. Dates and proms and homecomings. The school board felt it was time that everyone should go back to being normal again. They didn't understand. How could anyone? School wasn't just school anymore. It was the place where Hank had watched his friends die and bullets fly throughout the halls. He could never go back to being normal, 'cause normal for him was not the same as it was two months ago. Two months ago he never looked over his shoulder when stepping out the house, afraid of all the horrible things that could happen at any second, any moment. Normal for him wasn't normal anymore. And Hank feared he could never go back to before.   
Brooke walked up those steps again as she did every day now. It seemed like everyone in the town both blamed and hated Nick and his family for what happened, even two months later. Brooke didn't think it was fair .Maybe perhaps something could have been done, maybe they didn't love John enough, didn't get involved enough, or care enough. But maybes and what if wasn't going to bring anyone back and as far as Brooke was concerned Nick had nothing to do with any of it. So she went to his everyday like clockwork even when everyone said she shouldn't. But was else could she do? Nick was her best friend and despite the horrible thing his brother had done, Nick had still lost a brother. br  
br  
p Val wondered what would happen to all of them. The victims of the "massacre". She was so tired, so sick of being angry. She wanted to be free, to laugh, to hang out with her friends. Be like before. " Oh, why couldn't things go back to the way they were before?" She thought to herself. The squad and Caitie just like they were? She hated John Cooper with a abhorrence that scared her. Val never thought she was capable of hate. But perhaps she was, perhaps they all were.   
"Val?" her mother asked timidly as she crept in to her daughter's room finding her in her current state; laughing and crying on the floor. "What's wrong?"   
Val didn't know what to say. So many things were going through her mind. She even hated herself then. Like Jamie she hated herself for living. For being home sick that day. For everything.  
Her mother sighed not wanting to say what she was about to. Wanting to spare her broken daughter one less pain. One last shred of innocence. But she couldn't. "Val….Val honey, that was Tyler's mother on the phone. Tyler died last night."  
  
  
And then like a porcelain doll falling from a shelf , she broke.  
  
* **  
Even now, looking back, I remember everything. The thick consuming cord of anger wrapped around my body, consuming my every thought, my every movement. One piece of my memory I avoided with the ease of a snake, that only now, with the distance of age and perhaps wisdom, am I able to understand and truly let go…  
  
Ten years had passed. Ten long years since the shooting. It took Val a long time to go back to being herself again. Well, basically like her old self. She remembered the day it happened. The day she had to snap out of it.   
"It's not my fault." Brooke had said once., maybe a year after it happened. An innocent little phrase after their mother had blamed something on Brooke and Brooke had yelled back stubbornly , "It's not my fault." Even though what Brooke said had nothing to do with her , it made Val remember something she had blocked in her memory. Something Tyler had said the one time she had seen him before he died. Some thing that hadn't mattered till then.   
  
"It's not my fault and it's not yours." Tyler spoke feebly, and so softly that Val wondered if she had heard him at all.   
  
"I should have been there Tyler."  
  
"And done what? Stopped it?" he said skeptically.   
  
"I don't know. But how can I live and Caitie be dead? How is that fair?"   
  
"I don't know how it all works but you can't hate yourself because you got to live. You can't hate John either."   
  
"Why not?" she spoke stubbornly.   
  
"Because it'll kill you Val."   
  
"Don't tell me who to hate Tyler. I came to see you and now that I have, I'll be going." she muttered walking away from the boy she loved but couldn't.   
  
  
Val shook her head , shaking the memory away. She couldn't believe that she was back here again. At Kingsport. Ten years was a long time. A long time that had put some distance between her and the past. She had gone to college, became a doctor even gotten married. Granted life hadn't been perfect since the "Kingsport Massacre" but it was better. The hate and anger had subsided even though she missed Tyler and Caitie ever day.   
  
"Val?" someone said behind her as she turned around.  
"Jamie? Hank?" She said excitedly looking at the two of them, looking so different. The squad had gone their separate ways and times like now made Val wish they hadn't.  
"How are you guys?"  
"Okay. Better since the last time we talked." Hank joked. The last time they talked had been the week after the shooting. He noticed she looked happier, less angry. Maybe they all were. Time has a way of fixing old wounds, making the world not look so bad.   
"And you Jamie?" she asked.  
"Good, really good." he smiled back at her. Time like the rest of them had been good to him. Granted the physical restraints of the accident still stayed with him, but the emotion ones had been lifted from his consciousness. The three smiled at each other, what else was there to say? They looked up at the memorial the town had decided to build.  
  
  
Even now, looking back, I remember everything. The thick consuming cord of anger wrapped around my body, consuming my every thought, my every movement. One piece of my memory I avoided with the ease of a snake, that only now, with the distance of age and perhaps wisdom, am I able to understand and truly let go… 


End file.
